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Avast Toto, We’re Nay in Kansas Anymore

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Ahoy there ye Land Lubbers an’ Bilge Rats. Did ye know that today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day? If nay, now ye do, an’ go… talk like a Pirate.

Anyway, by now we all know what Intelligent Design be an’ most o’ us scientists, truth be told, don’t care too much fer ‘t. Today tho I heard about th’ Church o’ th’ Flyin’ Spaghetti Monster an’ I be very interested by this religion an’ be givin’ serious thought t’ conversion t’ Pastafarianism.

Ye may be aware that in late 1999 th’ Kansas Board o’ Education encouraged th’ teachin’ o’ Intelligent Design (Creationism) on th’ grounds that all possible theories ought t’ be allowed into th’ classroom. Bobby Henderson (pasta be upon th’ lad’s) on hearin’ this decided t’ create his own religion (well, th’ FSM revealed Hisself t’ Bobby an’ instructed th’ lad’s t’ reveal th’ truth, I would imagine) an’ tried t’ get th’ Kansas Board o’ Education t’ teach ‘t. Pastafarianism be born.

I be havin’ jus’ reviewed th’ Gospel o’ th’ Flyin’ Spaghetti Monster, an’ I would highly recommend ‘t. If ye be havin’ a spare 5-15 minutes I would really suggest headin’ o’er t’ th’ Uncyclopedia entry an’ givin’ ‘t a read. ‘t’s a concise yet very in-depth retellin’ o’ th’ Gospel. Also, Wikipedia has a slightly more scientific view o’ ‘t here. What has this got t’ do wi’ International Talk Like a Gentleman o’ fortune Tide?

Accordin’ t’ th’ Pastafarian belief system, sea dogs be th’ absolute divine beings an’ th’ original Pastafarians. The’r image as thieves an’ outcasts be all misinformation spread by Christian theologians o’ th’ Middle Ages. In reality, Pastafarianism says that they be peace-lovin’ explorers an’ spreaders o’ good will who would distribute candy t’ children.

As a way t’ illustrate t’ th’ Board that correlation dasn’t equal causation he showed ‘proof’ that th’ increase in global temperature correlates wi’ a reduction in th’ number o’ sea dogs o’er th’ last three centuries. Therefore he suggests th’ reintroduction o’ a Gentleman o’ fortune in order t’ combat global warmin’.

I’m convertin’, be ye? Arrr!


One Comment

  1. Largo Lagrande
    Posted September 19, 2006 at 12:48 | Permalink


    I be pa’ticula’ly likin’ the Eight “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts”. Any man who be sayin’ no nay ne’er to ’em be a Son of a Biscuit Eater!