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We’re Not in Kansas Anymore, Toto

Original ‘pirate version’

Did you know that today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day? If not, now you do, and go… talk like a Pirate.

Anyway, by now we all know what Intelligent Design is and most of us scientists, truth be told, don’t care too much for it. Today though I heard about the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and I am very interested by this religion and am giving serious thought to conversion to Pastafarianism.

You may be aware that in late 1999 the Kansas Board of Education encouraged the teaching of Intelligent Design (Creationism) on the grounds that all possible theories ought to be allowed into the classroom. Bobby Henderson (pasta be upon him) on hearing this decided to create his own religion (well, the FSM revealed Himself to Bobby and instructed him to reveal the truth, I would imagine) and tried to get the Kansas Board of Education to teach it. Pastafarianism was born.

I have just reviewed the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and I would highly recommend it. If you have a spare 5-15 minutes I would really suggest heading over to the Uncyclopedia entry and giving it a read. It’s a concise yet very in-depth retelling of the Gospel. Also, Wikipedia has a slightly more scientific view of it here. What has this got to do with International Talk Like a Pirate Day?

According to the Pastafarian belief system, pirates are the absolute divine beings and the original Pastafarians. Their image as thieves and outcasts is all misinformation spread by Christian theologians of the Middle Ages. In reality, Pastafarianism says that they were peace-loving explorers and spreaders of good will who would distribute candy to children.

As a way to illustrate to the Board that correlation does not equal causation he showed ‘proof’ that the increase in global temperature correlates with a reduction in the number of pirates over the last three centuries. Therefore he suggests the reintroduction of pirates in order to combat global warming.

I’m converting, are you?

Original ‘pirate version’